i am an asshole, Universe.

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there comes a time when you have to choose between turning the page and closing the book.

there are two sides of everyone. the side you know and the side you don't want to know. good and not-good.

i think about this, as i sat, tear stained, hoping that the white i know will remain that way for the rest of my life.

it's been almost 2 years i'm being single. this is the longest ever been in my adult life, but yet i learned a lot of things.

have you ever been thinking about your purpose in life? do you live only for yourself? what if God and the whole Universe conspire to create the-you that will be more useful for people around you. suddenly your life is not center around you anymore.

no one knows how complicated my life is now. it is neurotic to the point of irritating, and i'm not sure i want to be my own partner. why would anyone else want to be?

i'm not playing an angel. but truly, so many people around me needs my existence. time has become a very luxurious thing for me now. the time to be alone, the time to be with friends. into the point, i'd rather to be alone or with friends. i just feel guilty if i have a date or even be in the movie for 2 hours or 2 hours and a half. life seems unfair. well, life is never fair.

you know how sometimes you wake up and you look in the mirror and think, Universe, you are an asshole. sometimes the pity party starts at night, with the pillow crisp and empty space beside you, bemoaning the crack in your heart. sometimes you wonder how in the hell you can keep doing this thing you do.

and then, i remember, i should be grateful. then again i think, i am an asshole, Universe.

thank you for pointing me to the right souls, to show me how it should be done.



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