Is It Me or The Coffee?

I once asked, “Did I chose to be born again to this world?”

I sometimes wake up feeling like I live in the wrong continent. I feel like I don’t belong to this moment of now. My past must have been so beautiful that the soul feels so hard to accept the now.

Then I try to learn about souls. It excites me to know that I will have another promising live after this. It excites me that I have so many stories beyond I expected. You buy these or not, it’s not to the point where I would care. Yes I believe in reincarnation. Yes I believe there is God. That actually just to keep me holding on and moving forward. But yeah, it’s worth it. Nevertheless I born with a certain religion but practice it only on a small amount of it.

People, who know, will always talk about group of souls. The people around you, the one that speaks your language are your group of souls. You might not meet them in every life of your living but some must be there. It’s your support system. The now, I might have meet some of mine. Not much. Only 3 or 4, and you know who you are.

To be honest, the now that I live in, is such a lesson. Well, isn’t life always a lesson to be learnt?

The hardest thing is to learn how to be alone. No matter how much of a loner you are, it’s hard to be alone. Planets don’t last forever. You have to learn how to be alone. No support system, no one from the group of souls is there for you. Alone. To the point where you can hear your breathing. To the moment where you can talk to yourself, without feeling of being a crazy ass. To the limit where you know you actually comfortable of being alone.

I’ve never been told of how long that I’m going to live the now. But I know I have to make the best out of it. With or without anyone. It’s your self that can make you happy. Anything else is just a bonus. And happiness, for that matters, totally different for each souls. I do need a good laughs for my happiness, but sometimes I’m easy to please just by hearing music on my ears. Looking at the sky: sun, clouds, stars and moon, it gives me so much pleasure. Like I can literally talk to them, letting them know that I’m still around.

People nowadays live with too much expectation. They expect people to hear them, expect this or that. Too much. For me, it’s always a matter of acceptation. It is not to be understood, it is to be accepted. Some ask me, “How can you accept when you don’t understand?”  That’s it. That’s where you see different of an old soul and young soul. You don’t have to understand everything for it is not always to be understood. When you get, you receive, when you give, expect nothing back. That simple.

I’m having coffee and my cigs now. Such perfect moment to write, remembering I haven’t have time to write. I don’t realize that I have writer’s block for almost a year. My blog has been empty for I don’t know how long. Poor one. Or maybe I have to be a bit depressed to write. Like all those famous songwriters who can only write when they’re brokenhearted or depressed. Funny feelings. You manage to be more creative while depressed. To be able to play with words when you’re sad.

Let me tell you about my past lives. Through a soul, I was arranged to meet this person who can see about your past. He said that I have 4 golden moments. And I wasn’t always born as human. I was a guardian angel for 2 times. Once a mistress and once a well-known lady who died young. The most interesting one was the mistress, or it supposed to be said ‘a secret lover’. He was saying that I was the secret lover of the 3 musketeers. I was living in a forest, between Germany and France. He didn’t tell which one, Athos, Portos or Aramis. I kind of have the feeling it was Aramis. Don’t ask me why. Don’t ask more. It was at the beginning really funny when he was managed to mention my year of birth and telling me how long was my soul was resting before the now.

Why do I keep telling you about my past? Cause my now is not as much as interesting as it was. I can say I’m in a pretty deep shit situation right now. I thought this year would be different from the past 2 years that I’ve been dealing with. And I’m pretty messed up to the point where I think that there are no one wants to be with a messed up girl. People tend to leave you when you are a mess. You can count who sticks around. You can always tell who are your group of souls. Well, they actually might leave you too for the sakes of learning on your own. But still.

Those happy endings that we’ve seen in all movies, it only happens in a movie. After that, they never tell you what happened. Shit happens, dude. Ever imagine what happen after a couple kissing and the credit title rolls? They slap each other cause life has never been that easy and that beautiful.

Oh well, I don’t know what am I babbling here. It’s just nice to finally write. Never mind. Be back soon. One more thing to keep moving forward: Never trust a soul. Even the soul from your group of souls? YES!