I Do!

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A wedding is a full time job. And my dream of having a small one is vanished just like that due to family wishes. I realize that no matter what we do for our wedding day, it will likely be wonderful. And when extra money rolls in, it goes toward these crazy careers of my life.

I get why women are called "Bridezilla" now.  It's not our fault. It's that everyone else goes absolutely crazy and expects us to cater their needs. We’ve bent to make people happy with a lot amount of money. The dress, the venue, the food, the invitation (which my mother not approve at the end of the day and she decided to create another one), the souvenirs and all other details.
It’s 30 days until our wedding. I’m now in that stage of the planning when fretting over what’s going to go on my tables at the reception, altering my dress, and 1000 other minute little details that keep me up till 5:00 in the morning fretting.

I think there is something seriously wrong in our society with the way we have elevated weddings to such a level that we have lost the whole purpose of a wedding. I having to continually remind myself of all these things when I start freaking out about what we’re going to use for souvenirs! My fiancé has gotten quite used to me having hysterics over things like discovering that I still need this, we still need that, my mom asked for this, or my mom wants that.

Wedding planning is not the best environment for avoiding stressful situations. And I agreed to him that I would stop smoking before the wedding day.

I’ve had several meltdowns, and I do feel that it’s at least in part because quitting any addiction inevitably leads to emotional instability. I have already told him, “I hate you for making me quit!” at least once, even though the decision was entirely mine and I know he would not have loved me less if I remained a smoker. He understands everything I am going through, and continues to be supportive and patient. No one said any of this—quitting smoking, planning a wedding, adjusting to the idea that I’ve agreed to permanently share my life with another human being—was easy. It’s overwhelming, stressful, and I want a cigarette all the damned time.

For the fact of the matter now, it’s no longer about the marriage certificate or title of husband and wife. It is now about the celebration of Popy and Rusdy. We have an epic wedding and celebration. A wedding party so great, that our nieces, nephews, cousins, parents, and friends will remember forever and so fondly, that people will talk for years about how great our wedding was and our love is. Now, all I want is people to cry, I want people to be jealous… So, you can see how much pressure I have put for this day.

I think I would be able to relax if someone told me their story from when they got married and about how they laugh now and it's a funny story.

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